


A Queen's Duty

by Elzi_Welzi



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Conquest has hurt me deeply, Gen, Hinoka just needs a little more love, Queen Hinoka, self-indulgent angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 19:19:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7281421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elzi_Welzi/pseuds/Elzi_Welzi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After so many years of just bottling it all in, Hinoka finally lets herself cry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Queen's Duty

**Author's Note:**

> After many tears, I've finally finished Conquest, I did not enjoy my experience emotionally, at all.

Hinoka couldn’t help but feel a burst of pure nationalistic pride as she gazed over the plaza. Nearly three and a half years ago this place had been reduced to nothing but rubble, torn apart in the same blast that had killed the late Queen Mikoto. Three years ago this very same place had been ravaged by Nohrian soldiers as they stormed Castle Shirasagi, ripping apart the feeble attempts to repair the square. Yet here and now it was bustling, merchants busily hustling and calling out to walking customers, civilians going about their daily lives as they saw fit.

Admittedly Hinoka _was_ stalling for time before she had to return to the castle and attend that blasted council meeting.

Many stopped to gawk at the young queen, no doubt recognizing the circlet perched upon her head and the familiar cut of her brilliant red and white robes, but a mere snort from her pegasus beside her sent them skittering about their business. It wasn’t exactly a rare sight in all honesty; it was no secret that after helping with the rebuilding projects Hinoka had no trouble appearing among the common people to grab a quick bite from one of the many stalls. Though one would have expected that today of all days would have called for a banquet.

Today was what many considered the final day of reconstruction, marking the reopening of Fort Jinya, completing the circle of Hoshido’s military defenses once more. Their military still lacked the bulk that it had once boasted, but the mere completion set most of the general public at ease. Hinoka would have never agreed to banquet anyway, not while so many of her countrymen struggled to feed themselves, their livelihood torn up by the raging armies during the war. Hoshido may have been a thriving country blessed by the sun, but even they had to face the drain of losing a war.

 _“A war we didn’t start,”_ a small bitter voice in the back of her mind murmured.

“Mama, Mama, look! That’s her, right? Queen Hinoka? Do you think she’d let me touch her pegasus, Mama?”

“Perish the thought immediately, that stead is Queen Hinoka’s trusted mount, not some petting zoo pony. Now stop gawking lest she think us rude…”

“We don’t mind,” Hinoka called brightly, purposely referring to both her and her pegasus as she kicked off from her place leaning on the wall. She strode towards them, an easy smile on her face as she bent down to the child’s eye level. The entire throng seemed to freeze at her words; the mother’s eyes were blown wide, mouth agape as the child stared right back at Hinoka, a wide smile taking over her face.

“Yes! Thank you so much, Milady!” the little girl cried ecstatically, unabashedly grabbing Hinoka’s arm. Her mother cried out aghast, but Hinoka made a placating gesture with her unoccupied hand smiling down at the little girl with obvious bemusement. Hinoka had always been fond of children, and inheriting the crown had only made the urge stronger, the strong need to protect the people, especially children that had been entrusted to her.

Not like they had much of choice though.

Those were without a doubt thoughts for another time. Instead Hinoka gently guided the child to her waiting pegasus, the pure white stead snorted gently, hooves clicking softly against the cobblestone as Hinoka’s free hand went to stroke its snout. The child watched in awe as the queen and animal interacted, Hinoka calmly coaxing the animal to relax. Once the creature’s head was respectively bowed Hinoka scooped the littler girl up in one strong but slender arm, guiding her little hands along his snout.

“Careful now,” Hinoka found herself murmuring gently, finally letting go of the girl’s hands as they began to trail through his mane. Hinoka found herself watching intently as the girl’s expression grew more and more awestruck as her fingers continued to trail and trace over the stead’s head. Would this have been what it would have been like with Corrin, would her sibling’s eyes have gone as wide and wondering as this child’s?

Her pegasus let out an annoyed whinny as the little girl poked his nose, but it only sent the girl into a fit of childish giggles. Moments passed like this, seemingly every eye in the plaza focused on the interaction between a common child and the queen, until finally the girl tugged at one of Hinoka’s short sleeves, signaling to be let down. As soon as her tiny feet had touched the ground the little girl sped off in the direction of her mother, not a single word said in Hinoka’s direction. Angry muttering erupted in the crowd, aghast at the girl’s audacity, only to be silenced as she came running back with three fresh white blooms hastily tied with a bright red ribbon in her grasp.

_Magnolias_

“Um… these are some of the flowers me and my Mama collected today! I don’t really have anything else to give you, but Mama says these flowers are truly worthy of royalty. So-so, um… Thank you so much, Your Majesty!” the little girl cried, falling into a deep bow as she thrust the flowers in Hinoka’s direction. Smiling brightly with a light flush on her face Hinoka dropped to her knees, gently taking the flowers on one of her hands and softly tilting the child’s head up with the other so their eyes could meet.

“Thank you as well, little one. I’ll cherish them.”

The little girl’s smile then and there was well worth being late for a council meeting.

* * *

Hinoka tries her best to recall that bright happiness as she makes her way out of the meeting room, clenched fist and all. Even as she dropped by her room to deposit the heavier parts of her uniform and snatch up the magnolias she had received earlier before heading to her final destination for the day, a headache was already pounding behind her eyeballs, and as unbecoming as it was for a queen all she wanted to do was get cozy with some sake. The council meeting left her with mothering more than a bad taste in her mouth and a frayed temper,

From the moment she stepped into the room she was already regretting even bothering to attend the stupid thing in the first place. With the reconstruction of all major strategical bases out of the way, the arguments that ensued were the Nohrians that so easily traversed their borders. Their mere made the atmosphere tense, her people’s prejudice against them was still strong and insistent, it was shameful to admit but they held fast to their grudge, most of the time to the point of offense. Some even outright spoke against her, demanding why she insisted on defending them after everything they’d done. It always felt like a losing battle with these people, she just couldn’t seem to make them happy.

It was a constant struggle to placate the public, yet at the same time sow the seeds of trust with Nohr. There were days when she struggled to uphold the forgiveness she preached, days where she locked herself in her thankfully soundproof quarters and screamed herself hoarse as she cursed the Nohrian scum. Those days she hated them all equally for being from the country that ruined her family, hated herself for being unable to let go of those feelings.

But she had never, ever cried.

_“In times of tragedy, the country’s eyes turn towards their ruler. That being you; our queen.”_

Queen of Hoshido, the title had never rung so hollowly before.

It had once belonged to Queen Ikona, her own mother who despite her deteriorating health had been Hoshido’s spine, causing the masses to rally beneath her in pure nationalistic pride. It had belonged to Queen Mikoto whose warm patience and temperance had been a balm to their scars, the woman who worked tirelessly to gain Hoshido and her children’s trust, their symbol of peace.

Now the title belonged to Hinoka and she couldn’t help but feel like she was nothing but a mere consolation prize to her country.

After her father’s death, even as Mikoto ascended the throne, Ryoma had been the one garnering looks of approval from the masses. He was their crown prince, Sumeragi’s spitting image, and as solid and reassuring as a mountain. He wielded the legendary Raijinto with startling strength and ease, his mere presence enough to make anyone feel safe. He was stronger than anyone, faster than anyone; invincible, untouchable, and kind, all the makings of a great king. Though of course as crown princess Hinoka had always been told the possibility that she might have to inherit the crown instead, but growing up it had been so easy for Hinoka to brush it off.

After all, even if Ryoma fell as unlikely as it was, there was Takumi. Diligent, quick tongued Takumi with a mind as sharp as his words. Hinoka had always watched in disapproval as Takumi struggled under the weight of Ryoma’s shadow, wondering how he could be so blind to his own self-worth. Despite being chosen by Fujin Yumi and a brilliant tactician in his own right, Takumi still couldn’t seem to comprehend what an admirable individual he’d grown into. He still chased after his brother’s shadow, trying to be able to compete with Ryoma in nearly everything. Most times Hinoka had wanted to smack some sense in him, but a small part of her had been relieved. Takumi had inadvertently groomed himself to be a perfect candidate for the throne by viewing their older brother as a rival, and back then Hinoka thought that she would have gladly stepped down to allow him to take the throne.

Now they were both gone.

Entering the small tucked away room Hinoka gently let those thoughts drift away as she sagged against the closed door. The room wasn’t big by any means, far smaller than Hinoka’s royal quarters, but the contents of the room were without a doubt priceless. Placed on the center wall was a rather large shrine, its gleaming obsidian stone polished to the point Hinoka could see her reflection in it. A single candle was already lit, no doubt courtesy of Yukimura who probably predicted her visit. Of course the mechanist knew better than to light more than one to be left without supervision, but Hinoka appreciated that she wouldn’t have to light the first on herself.

Gently setting the marigolds down upon it, she went about lighting the rest of the candles before finally sitting back on her knees, eyes intent upon the frames at the center of the shrine. One depicted her mother and father, Ikona that was; it was taken before her mother’s health had begun to decline, so the two of them stood side by side, the picture of power and grace. The other depicted Mikoto, Ryoma, and Takumi together, Mikoto had insisted upon the photo and the two young men had been hard-pressed to decline. Both Takumi and Ryoma were dressed in some of their more formal attire, standing on either side of Mikoto and their respective pride and regality had been conveyed beautifully through the paint. The artist had also been able to capture Mikoto natural grace, standing between the two men with a serene smile and all the elegance in the world.

Gods, Hinoka missed them.

How long had it had been since Mikoto had come rushing to her once her pegasus had landed, dead set on healing as well as lecturing her? Since she herself had lectured Takumi for being so reckless on the battlefield and still insisting on not being worthy of help? She could hardly remember the last time Ryoma had teased her for being so unfeminine as well, let alone her mother and father.

 _“Would you look at me now, Ryoma,”_ she thought nostalgically, a hand coming up to play with the ends of her now elbow length hair. It had been another thing she’d had to pick up after her coronation, long hair was a show of pride and honor for royals, and was naturally expected thing from anyone who ever ascended the throne. Both her brothers had had it, and she had never thought to worry about, keeping it a convenient length for a warrior. Now it was expected that she grow it out, and Hinoka’s own OCD had kicked it shortly after the suggestion; if it was necessary that she grow is long she was deadest on keeping it healthy. She had enlisted _Subaki_ for gods’ sakes on how to manage it, and had then been promptly thrown into a two hour lecture solely on _hair care_ of all things.

_“You wouldn’t have had to if they were still here.”_

“It’s finally done,” she quickly murmured, desperately trying to bat those thoughts away. There was no point in wallowing in her bitterness, not after everything had been said and done. At least not vocally, “I- I wish you could all see it. Our people, they’re so strong. Sometimes it feels like I don’t even have to do anything, they’re picking themselves up and flourishing like nobody’s business. You’d… You’d all be so proud of them, I know you would be.”

It’s so easy to picture it. Ryoma finally upon the throne, taking up the rightful position that he had spent his entire life striving to become worthy of, and Takumi at his side who despite his obvious distaste in politics would’ve been the ideal advisor and equal. Hinoka herself would have gone and become a military commander; she would never have to take these cumbersome and endless lessons on how to become a proper queen. Sakura would have continued on to become a priestess that would make Mikoto proud, she wouldn’t be at constant war with herself, struggling with her innate kindness and forgiveness but also the paranoia her encounter with King Garon’s forces had left her.

 “I wish… I wish that could’ve been our reality,” Hinoka murmured, and she almost wanted to laugh at how reminiscent this was of the first time she had ever come to pray at this shrine. She had nearly cried then as well, but that had been right after her coronation and there had been no time for her own sadness. Hoshido had been in turmoil then, the people had been terrified and were filled with so much hatred for Nohr, any weakness she had shone then, especially considering how she had tried so hard to encourage peace with their new allies, would have ignited a frenzy of distrust. So she had bottled it up, and gathered all her negative emotions, sealing them away in exchange for duty. Now with everything all said and done, and her duty suddenly alleviated, it was so much harder to keep all the bitterness at bay.

“That’s wrong to say, isn’t? Since I’ve had so many years to get over it?” she murmured quietly, a hand coming up to rub her face as a quivering smile finally settled on her lips. “It’s just so difficult to look at them all in the eye, I feel like such a hypocrite. I preach all this peace, but honestly I’m not you mother…”

A tired, near hysterical laugh finally escaped her lips.

No, she wasn’t Mikoto, and she couldn’t forgive and forget no matter how hard she tried. No matter how hard Hinoka tried to assure Corrin that they would tuck all that bad blood away, no matter how hard she tried to get along with Corrin’s new siblings, there would always be that small, gnarled part of her that despised them unconditionally. No matter how much she hated it, that part would always look at them and curse their existence. If it weren’t for them, for Nohr, this war would have never started. Her father wouldn’t have been murdered, Corrin would have never been abducted, Mikoto would still be alive.

They would’ve been a family.

“I’m so jealous,” her voice finally cracked, her shoulders hunching as all the feelings finally surged up after so long. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair, and _it wasn’t fair_. “They’re happy and whole, while all I had left of all of you is pictures and memories. I miss you all so much, I- I would give almost anything so we could be a family again.”

And the tears finally came.

Three years’ worth of agony and bitterness finally welling up and dispersing is a single tremendous display of waterworks. 

She cried for her parents, for her brothers, for all the times during Castle Shirasagi’s reconstruction that Hinoka watched them sweep away the rubble and memories of her childhood. For all the nights she whispered that they were going to be alright into Sakura’s hair when she woke up from nightmares, for every rioter that had called her a cowardly fool for encouraging them to try and make friendly bonds with Nohr. For all the things they could have been but simply weren’t, for her own weakness and inability to let go of her hatred. She let it all flow, promising to herself that for every negative thought she would replace it with one of hope.

Hinoka recalled Sakura’s shy smile whenever Princess Elise coaxed her into playing a game, the unconditional warmth Corrin tried to give Hoshido despite their open hostility. Her people were smiling; their scars gradually healing as tentative bonds were being made across the border. It didn’t matter if parts of Hinoka couldn’t forgive them; the people of Hoshido could.   

“I promise, no I _swear_ that this hatred of Nohr will die with me. Even if I have to spend my entire reign choking on my hypocrisy, I’ll end it,” she murmured with finality, though declaration felt a little silly due to the tears still trailing down her cheeks, but she guessed the sincerity had to count. She straightened her back, scrubbing uselessly at the tears that continued to trickle even as she schooled features into a look of sheer determination, “I will do my duty, as Queen of Hoshido.”

**Author's Note:**

> This fandom needs more Queen Hinoka, just saying.


End file.
